A New Father’s Perspective: Ten Lessons I Want To Teach My Sons
Posted on | June 26, 2009 | 2 Comments
I celebrated my first Father’s Day yesterday. Shelley and I recently began to foster our two sons, Rob and Mason. We are in the process of adopting them. We learned last week that the courts have cleared the way for us to consummate the adoption.
Naturally, this news made my first Father’s Day all the more sweet.
As I tucked my boys in their beds Sunday night, I took a moment to contemplate the sort of men they will become – not their vocation. I am determined to be satisfied with their choice of vocation so long as they do something that fulfills their life purpose.
I am talking about the content of their character.
I have learned that it is always prudent to sketch a plan before beginning anything. So, I decided to begin contemplating some of the life lessons that I want to instill in my sons.
I would also like to share those with you. Here they are:
Awe Of The Creator
From the smallest insect to the most majestic mountain, I am continually in awe of that which has been created in our world. Have you ever stopped to look at a bee busily working on a flower? Have you ever watched the clouds and they mutate into all sorts of interesting shapes?
If you haven’t taken time to do so, I encourage you to take some time and really observe the awesome world.
Consideration Of Others
Of course, we all understand that other people have rights and are worthy of respect. But, I want my sons to go further.
I want to cultivate a sense of consideration for others.
I want them to refrain from using offensive language in the presence of a lady. I want them to hold the door open for others. I want them to consider the plight of the panhandler in the street. I want them to occasionally pay for a lonely soldier’s meal.
In learning the trait of consideration, I expect that they will receive much more than the small gratuities that they bestow on their neighbor.
Appreciation Of Diversity
I often laugh that I tend to attract people who are “different.”
But, often, these “different” people have given me the most profound insights into life. I want them to savor the teachings of the world’s religions, the sense of community and family that permeates certain ethnic groups as well as the respect to be afforded to every man, regardless of the amount of melanin in his skin or the shape of his eyes.
Family
While it is true that you cannot choose your family, you change choose to love them and encourage them. I was taught that the concept of “family” also includes close friends.
This is a concept that permeates many other cultures.
I want my children to learn to love, and be loved, by as many people as possible.
Patience
I admit that I struggle with patience.
I come from a long line of impatient German and Scottish people. It has been a thorn in my flesh that has caused me much misery and consternation throughout my life. I believe that lack of patience has been a contributing factor in my inability to use the law of attraction to consciously create the desires of my heart.
I want my sons to learn the experience the peace that comes with patience.
Tolerance
No one is perfect.
Everyone is annoying.
Most people have odd or weird beliefs, many of which are diametrically opposed to my own odd and weird beliefs.
We are all given free will. This includes the free will to have annoying behaviors, bad attitudes and crazy beliefs.
However, if I cannot learn to embrace them, I still need to learn to tolerate them…not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. I hope my children learn to be tolerant early in their lives.
Doing so will spare my sons much frustration, heartache and pain.
Gratitude
Appreciate every experience whether it is good or bad.
We have a dry erase board in our kitchen on the refrigerator. Each day, we are encouraged to write something for which we are grateful.
I have learned, over the past three years, that gratitude is responsible for my success, wealth, conscious creation efforts.
If I cannot be grateful for the circumstances in my life, I can be grateful for the lessons that I have learned (or will learn) from the experience. I want my sons to experience the same.
Love Your Spouse
I have learned that every day, I have to make a fresh commitment to love Shelley – no matter what.
Love is not a feeling, it is a decision.
I watched my father decide to spend day after day (and might after night) with my mother as she slowly died of cancer.
I want my sons to learn that when you choose to love your spouse, unconditionally, you are also loving yourself.
Good Enough
I am a perfectionist and I am working diligently to change that attitude.
Because of my tendency to be a perfectionist, I have experienced feelings of depression, procrastination, low self esteem, and burnout. The reality is that what I deem to be “good enough” is far higher than others’ standard of perfection. Some activities require perfection, but most only require “good enough.”
I want my sons to know the difference between the two.
Be A Leader
I recently took a first aid class and was surprised to learn that, in an accident, many people die because no one steps up and takes charge of the scene. This does not occur because people are heartless, it is a social phenomenon where each person in the group expects someone else to take the lead.
I have always been willing to step up and volunteer.
I want my sons to be leaders, not followers.
Conclusion
I recognize that my sons are individuals and have a right of self-determination. I realize that, under some circumstances, they will only be able to learn these lessons through trial and error. It is my hope that, with a little coaching and coaxing from me, they will learn these life lessons sooner, rather than later.
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2 Responses to “A New Father’s Perspective: Ten Lessons I Want To Teach My Sons”
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June 26th, 2009 @ 6:50 am
These are great traits to instill in one’s sons, but hard to achieve, but certainly worth the time and effort.
June 27th, 2009 @ 2:15 am
Hi Douglas,
I would like to greet you a belated happy fathers day! Although I’m not a father yet, I really wanted to teach my future sons just the way you planned. Most important of all is “Awe the creator”. Thank you for posting this great article!