No Self Discipline? Here Is A Simple Exercise To Get You Motivated
Posted on | April 30, 2009 | No Comments
In yesterday’s article, we learned that, as biological creatures, we are ultimately driven by a desire to avoid pain and increase pleasure. Whatever pain or pleasure we link to an action (regardless of whether or not it is real or true) is going to drive us to action or procrastination.
Pain is a much more effective motivator than pleasure. If pain is associated with a particular action (whether real or imagined) then procrastination is the likely result. Because pleasure is perceived to occur sometime in the future and pain is here and now, self sabotage and self defeating behavior occur even where taking action will ultimately lead to much greater pleasure, self esteem and self satisfaction.
The Key To Self Discipline Is To Use Biology As A “Force Multiplier”
We also learned that an effective way to build self discipline and overcome self sabotage and self defeating behavior is to focus on, and increase, the pain associated with procrastination while, at the same time, focusing (and increasing) the pleasure associated with taking decisive action now. In order to effectively use this technique, it is important to learn how you recognize pain and pleasure.
The purpose of this exercise is to learn is to learn what actions with which we associate pain and pleasure as well as why. Once we learn what motivates us to act or procrastinate, we can work on redirecting those emotions so that we associate pain with procrastination and pleasure with immediate, positive and decisive action.
For example, in my own life I had the following empowering and disempowering associations:
- Doing Well In School. I was motivated to do well in school because I enjoyed the praise and affirmation received from parents, teachers and peers. In contrast, I associated the pain of disapproval from my parents with not doing well in school. As such, I excelled academically even though it required massive study effort on my part.
- Inability To Say “No”. I was motivated to avoid conflict and agree with my parents, friends and co-workers even when it was against my interest. At an early age, I was the repeated victim of bullies in my neighborhood. I walked home from school each day in fear of getting beat up, picked on, ridiculed, or robbed. By becoming agreeable, I avoided the pain associated with resistance and gained the pleasure associated with the “security” of having the bullies in the neighborhood as my “friends.”
I have incorporated these tendencies into my pain/pleasure analysis. When faced with a task that I seem to not be able to get done, I consciously begin to associate completion of the task with the pleasure associated with the appreciation and thanks I will get from those concerned. In contrast, I focus on the pain associated with having to say “No” when these people come to me and ask whether or not the task is complete. As I have used this tool over the years, I have utilized my pain/pleasure to motivate me to act, not procrastinate.
Exercise: Inventory Your Empowering and Self Defeating Emotions
Now, you are going to identify those emotions, fears and beliefs that you associate with pain and pleasure. In doing so, you will identify patterns of behavior which you can manipulate to associate pleasure with positive, decisive action and pain with procrastination, self sabotage or self defeating behavior.
Take a piece of paper and identify three (3) times in the past where you took positive proactive action or negative self defeating action. Next to each instance, identify why you were motivated to take that action (either pain or pleasure). Here are three examples:
- Doing Well In School. I was motivated by the pleasure associated with receiving the approval of my parents and teachers. I also received physical rewards for doing well in school. I was also motivated by the pain associated with my parents’ criticism and punishment.
- Generosity. I was motivated by the pleasure associated with the gratitude expressed by those that I helped. I was also motivated by the pain associated with the guilt of having more than someone else.
- Failure to compete or take risks. I was motivated by the fear of pain associated with losing. I perceived that I would be ridiculed, embarrassed, or thought of as weak or incompetent if I competed and failed. I was also motivated by the perceived pleasure associated with letting the other guy win. I felt responsible for the creating the happiness of the winner.
Once you identify the behavior and the pain or pleasure associated with action or inaction, you can take steps to reinforce the pain/pleasure where it benefits you and reverse the effects where it leads to self sabotage and self defeating behavior.
If you take the time to perform this exercise whenever you are faced with a challenge, you will be one step closer to building the level of self confidence you desire while limiting the effects of self sabotage and self defeating behavior.
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- How To Eliminate Self Sabotage And Self Defeating Behavior
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- 5 Tips To Stay Motivated!
Tags: motivation > procrastination > self defeating behavior > self discipline > self sabotage
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