88 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life | Raptitude.com.

My favorite one of all was:

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort.  It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

If we could learn to deny ourselves a little comfort once and a while, we’d all be skinny, rich and (probably) happy.

Seriously, take a look at David’s article.  It was enjoyable and thought provoking

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Pain is a much more effective motivator than pleasure.  If pain is associated with a particular action (whether real or imagined) then procrastination is the likely result.  Because pleasure is perceived to occur sometime in the future and pain is here and now, self sabotage and self defeating behavior occur even where taking action will ultimately lead to much greater pleasure, self esteem and self satisfaction.

The Key To Self Discipline Is To Use Biology As A “Force Multiplier”

We also learned that an effective way to build self discipline and overcome self sabotage and self defeating behavior is to focus on, and increase, the pain associated with procrastination while, at the same time, focusing (and increasing) the pleasure associated with taking decisive action now.  In order to effectively use this technique, it is important to learn how you recognize pain and pleasure. 

The purpose of this exercise is to learn is to learn what actions with which we associate pain and pleasure as well as why.  Once we learn what motivates us to act or procrastinate, we can work on redirecting those emotions so that we associate pain with procrastination and pleasure with immediate, positive and decisive action. 

For example, in my own life I had the following empowering and disempowering associations:

• Doing Well In School.  I was motivated to do well in school because I enjoyed the praise and affirmation received from parents, teachers and peers.  In contrast, I associated the pain of disapproval from my parents with not doing well in school.  As such, I excelled academically even though it required massive study effort on my part.
•  Inability To Say “No”.  I was motivated to avoid conflict and agree with my parents, friends and co-workers even when it was against my interest.  At an early age, I was the repeated victim of bullies in my neighborhood.  I walked home from school each day in fear of getting beat up, picked on, ridiculed, or robbed.  By becoming agreeable, I avoided the pain associated with resistance and gained the pleasure associated with the “security” of having the bullies in the neighborhood as my “friends.”

I have incorporated these tendencies into my pain/pleasure analysis.  When faced with a task that I seem to not be able to get done, I consciously begin to associate completion of the task with the pleasure associated with the appreciation and thanks I will get from those concerned.  In contrast, I focus on the pain associated with having to say “No” when these people come to me and ask whether or not the task is complete.  As I have used this tool over the years, I have utilized my pain/pleasure to motivate me to act, not procrastinate.

Exercise:  Inventory Your Empowering and Self Defeating Emotions

Now, you are going to identify those emotions, fears and beliefs that you associate with pain and pleasure.  In doing so, you will identify patterns of behavior which you can manipulate to associate pleasure with positive, decisive action and pain with procrastination, self sabotage or self defeating behavior.

Take a piece of paper and identify three (3) times in the past where you took positive proactive action or negative self defeating action.  Next to each instance, identify why you were motivated to take that action (either pain or pleasure).  Here are three examples:

• Doing Well In School.  I was motivated by the pleasure associated with receiving the approval of my parents and teachers.  I also received physical rewards for doing well in school.  I was also motivated by the pain associated with my parents’ criticism and punishment.
• Generosity.  I was motivated by the pleasure associated with the gratitude expressed by those that I helped.  I was also motivated by the pain associated with the guilt of having more than someone else.
• Failure to compete or take risks.  I was motivated by the fear of pain associated with losing.  I perceived that I would be ridiculed, embarrassed, or thought of as weak or incompetent if I competed and failed.  I was also motivated by the perceived pleasure associated with letting the other guy win.  I felt responsible for the creating the happiness of the winner.

Once you identify the behavior and the pain or pleasure associated with action or inaction, you can take steps to reinforce the pain/pleasure where it benefits you and reverse the effects where it leads to self sabotage and self defeating behavior.

If you take the time to perform this exercise whenever you are faced with a challenge, you will be one step closer to building the level of self confidence you desire while limiting the effects of self sabotage and self defeating behavior.

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By making a few minor adjustments to your attitudes, you can put an end to self sabotage and self defeating behavior and have the self discipline to follow through with your goals and achieve your life purpose.

Self Defeating Behaivor Is Biological

We are all biological creatures.  As such, at our basest level, we are driven to avoid pain and seek pleasure.  As humans, we add the element of psychological “pain” to our menu.  The problem with psychological pain is that it may be based upon perception and not reality.

Of these two drives, the desire to avoid pain is much greater

How Do Pain and Pleasure Contribute To Self Sabotage, Self Defeating Behavior and Lack of Self Discipline?

Self sabotage, self defeating behavior and lack of self discipline are caused by focusing unrealistically on the pain associated with the action rather than the pleasure or reward to be gained. 

An Example Of Self Sabotage

For instance, you may decide that you want to build a house.  Initially, the pleasure associated with having a new house is a great motivator.  However, as you begin to examine the details (hiring an architect, purchasing land, getting permits, etc), the pain associated with building the new house becomes greater and greater and the pleasure seems more distant and less attractive.

 In fact, you are experiencing pain and anxiety now and, as such, they are your primary motivators.  Even as you make progress, you begin to find excuses not to move further.  Finally, you abandon the project altogether.

 An Example of Procrastination And Lack Of Self Discipline

Let’s look at procrastination.  If you analyze the cause of procrastination, you will find that there is something about the activity that you perceive will cause physical or psychological pain if you perform the task.  Because pain is the primary motivator, it is more real than the perceived pleasure associated with accomplishing the task. 

Even if the pain and pleasure perception are equal, you will still procrastinate because performing the task is perceived to be more painful than simply doing nothing. 

With many tasks, as you procrastinate, the more pain of NOT performing the task becomes greater and greater.  When the pain of procrastinating exceeds the pain of performance, you will finally perform the task.

You Eliminate Self Defeating Behavior, Self Sabotage and Build Self Discipline By Changing Your Focus

The key to achieving self discipline and eliminating self sabotage, self defeating behavior and procrastination is to analyze the pain and pleasure you associate with the activity or change in behavior that you seek to accomplish.

Anthony Robbins teaches that whatever you focus on, even if imagined, is real to you.  Therefore, you have to change the pain avoidance/pleasure seeking wiring in your brain so that it works for you instead of against you.

How do you do that?

Change your focus to associate pain with NOT performing the activity and associate pleasure with taking action.  To do this, ask yourself the following two questions:

• How is not changing this behavior going to cause me pain?  Write down your answers.
• How is taking action going to bring me pleasure?  Write down your answers.

You can multiple the power of this method by intentionally adding more pain to inaction and more pleasure to action.  For instance, if your goal is to lose twenty pounds by Labor Day, you might add decide that you are going to wear a Speedo to the beach

The Power of Decision:  The Key To Eliminating Self Sabotage, Self Defeating Behavior and Lack of Self Discipline

When you learn to change your focus to associate pain with procrastination and pleasure with taking action, you use your biological wiring as a “force multiplier.”  Now instead of having the power of pain work against you, pain becomes your sword and action becomes your shield.  So, the next time that you find yourself paralyzed by inaction, ask yourself the magic questions:

• What pain will I cause by my inaction?
• What pleasure will I achieve by taking action now?

When you seriously answer these questions, you are on your way to eliminating self sabotage, self defeating behavior and building a level of self discipline that will make you proud.

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Tips And Techniques For Battling Procrastination

Even today, I continue to fight the battle with procrastination.  But, I have had a number of revelations over the years that have allowed me to better combat procrastination.  I would like to share those with you.  If you can, realize that:

• It is quite likely that your version of mediocre is the world’s version of excellence.  Your standard of performance is likely so far above that of the world, that even when you do a mediocre job, you still far exceed the average person’s standard.
• Getting started is the hardest part  Often once I can get started, I enjoy the challenge so much that I continue the project for many hours.  In order to help me get started, I use an egg timer.  I will set the timer for ten to fifteen minutes and tell myself that I will work for this time and quit if I feel like it.  Very seldom do I ever quit. 
• Take small breaks every fifteen minutes.  Studies show that a person has the most mental acuity during the first fifteen minutes of working.  So, make your work sessions fifteen minutes at a time and take a break.  You will get more accomplished than if you tried an exhausting five hour marathon session. 
• Divide large tasks into small ones.  As noted above, on any given day, I am only concerned with the next step to be accomplished on any given project.  Even if I determine that I need to plan ahead, I can do so as I generate the daily to do list.  There is no need to engage in analysis-paralysis.  Just decide what you are going to do next.  Remember, you can drive from Los Angeles to New York at night by seeing only the hundred foot of road illuminated by your headlights.

 Procrastination is a time killer.  But, it also rots away your soul as it infects you with lower and lower self esteem while making it more and more difficult to climb out of the pit and get things done.

 Do not wake up one day and realize that the enemy of procrastination has stolen what could have been a fulfilling and productive life.

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Procrastination is a silent saboteur that quietly sucks minutes, hours and days from our lives.  We are left with excess stress, fatigue, depression and irritability.

I  know this enemy quite well.  It has stolen more productivity from me than any other bad habit.

What Is The Best Way To Defeat An Enemy?

Study him.  Discover his weaknesses. Minimize your vulnerability to attack.

Let’s take a minute to analyze this enemy and perhaps, together, we can destroy or minimize its influence over our lives.

What Are The Causes Of Procrastination?

• Too Much To Do.  If you are a self reliant individual, over time, you have become the “go to” guy for others.  People call you multiple times per day asking favors.   It feels good to be needed, doesn’t it?  But, who are you?  The Godfather?  You now have your projects AND those of your friends and relatives. Once you are overwhelmed, it becomes difficult to prioritize.  The end result is “analysis-paralysis.”  Pick something and do it.

• Forgetting How To Say “NO.” If you do not learn this skill, you will become overwhelmed by others. Water flows to the lowest point. When you cannot say “no”, you become the basin for everyone else’s water and your priorities go unfulfilled Exercise your “no” muscle you will quickly find out who are your true friends; and, you will quickly learn who deserves your help and who is simply a “leach.” Learn to say “No.”

• Failure To Plan – The To Do List.  We exacerbate the problem by failing to plan.  When I begin my day without a clear “to do” list, I waste significantly more time than when I have two or three clear cut objectives for that day.  When I cook, I do not hesitate to use a recipe.  When I fly, I do not hesitate to generate a flight plan.  When we begin our journey through our day, we should likewise generate a list of objectives.
• Failure to Prioritize – Chores v. Projects.  A neatly typed “to do” list is of no use if you do not have a properly prioritized plan.  To do this, you need to understand the distinction between “chores” and “projects”.  A chore is something that continually needs to be done over and over to maintain a certain quality of life.  In contrast, a project is an action, or series of actions, that, when completed, permanently improve your quality of life.  Very often when you do not want to start an unpleasant project, you use chores as a veiled form of procrastination.  Distinguish between chores and projects.

For example, when I was studying for the bar exam, I found that my apartment was the cleanest it had been during my three years of law school.  In fact, the clothes were washed, the closets cleaned out, the pantries were full of food and the firearms were cleaned.  But, the project – studying for the bar – had not begun.

• Failure To Work On Projects Daily.  In order to properly prioritize, you need to create a master to do list that reflects all of the weekly chores as well as the projects that are also on my plate.  Next to each project, you list the next task that you need to accomplish toward the completion of that project.  When you plan each day’s to do list, you must be careful to include items from the chore list as well as the project list.  This way,everything moves forward.

Perfectionism – The Twin Sisters of Low Self Esteem and Fear of Failure

More often than not, procrastination reflects a deeper, underlying emotional problem.

In fact, it might surprise you to find that many highly motivated Type “A” individuals suffer from low self esteem.  Often, a person with low self esteem feels the need to accomplish every task with perfection.

 This fear of failure leads many such persons to procrastinate until the last minute (if at all) before performing the task.  The emotional payoff is that the person can excuse a sub-par result by claiming that he/she did not have enough time to complete the project.

I am a perfectionist.

I grew up with a substantial relationship with my grandfather, who was master sergeant during World War II.  There was only one way to do anything and that was the “right” way.  You did not dare get your bait hung up on a stump while fishing, even if you were only six years old.

I learned quickly that I had to be perfect to avoid his verbal abuse.  When I felt that I could not be perfect, I simply avoided the project until someone else did it or time was so short that the consequences of not performing were worse than the potential for verbal criticism.

In Part Two, we will take a look at some tips and techniques you can use to trick yourself into moving forward and get some of those chores and projects done.  So, don’t procrastinate.  Check back here for Part Two.

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